Last chance

Chances are given to you.
Grab them or not, depends on you.
I'm seriously tired about your attitude.
Or what you're thinking.
I just want to have a normal life.
If you're too over, I'll rather give up.
Don't make me take the last step.
I don't wish to.
I still love you. <3

=/

Actually there's a lot of things that i wish i could share to you.
But on the other hand, I'm afraid that you'll unhappy.
Cause i know you get jealous so easily. What should i do? My dear.. =/
I do not want to hide anything from you.
But i really don't know how can i express it without making you upset.
Like last night when i spoke another guy's name, then your voice changed a bit.
I know how you feel that time. But that's my personality.
Actually do you think you understand me much? Ask yourself deeply.
Of course i know my limit. But I cannot change my attitude because of our relation. Seriously.
I can only try my best. And of course i do love you <3
And don't you love me just the way i am?
Don't think so much.. =)

Haih

These few days feel kinda upset and annoyed.

Maybe i shouldn't tell you the truth. Make the situation so awkward.

But i didn't want/ ask for anything. I just want you to know how i feel. That's all.

The purpose i tell you this is not because i want the situation to become like that.

I am so sad. When i see you changing the way how you used to be.

From talking a lot become so speechless. Seriously, this is not what i want.

Please don't apologize. I think i'm the one who should.

Sorry.

MSSD

Today is the last day of MSSD.
Went to stadium at around 8am.
Today is also the last day i'm representing Main Convent for MSSD.
My event today was 100m Lari Berpagar Perempuan bawah 18.
Was still carrying my wound that time.
But i managed to get 3rd place in the semi-final.
I was happy. But i didn't have any hope to get top 3. Haha

I've been representing school for MSSD since primary。
Never got a medal from stadium before.

3pm: When final. My position was 3rd originally.
But someone chased up my speed.
3rd,4th and 5th runner almost ended together.
But i know i'm 5th,
Although i was a little disappointed for not getting any placing again, but i've already did my best.


After running for final, went to Steven for 3 hours Add Maths,
Damn sleepy and tiring. Now also. Haha.

My 17th Birthday

Celebrated 3 days for my birthday. Haha.
Out of all years. This year is the best celebration i ever had so far.

1st day

First i celebrate with my god sis, Ruth at parade because she'w not able to attend the party on Saturday.
We ate together at MP. She looked extra cute that day <3
She bought me a small bear. Haha. Almost every year i got a bear from her.
After MP we hang around in parade. Was helding her hand and walked together.

2nd day.

Early in the morning i went to school.

Was representing my club to attend the Majlis Penyerahan Cek RM260,000 from menteri kewangan.

Then after than changed and go parade.
Went rocusa while waiting my friends to reach.
Later on I walked with Edward to OTK Studio.
The party started at 1pm.
Had a lot of fun during the party.
Few of them were shouting hahaha. Especially Jin Xian and Joe.
Then we also played Wii games. It was the first time i play it.
I ate 3 big pieces of cakes. Because cut already no one eat. Haha.
The party ended at 6pm. Kent's father fetched me home.
I was tired but i was happy too. =D

3rd day.
Hahaha, Actually today is dance practice.

Went to my friend's house for practice as usual.
Then after the practice Ah Ting aunty say want to treat me eat since yesterday was my birthday。
Then they prefer KFC.
That time my mum already went to work.
My mum asked me not to let Ah Ting aunty treat me.
She asked me to treat them. LOL.
But aunty don't let me treat. Eventually Ah Ting aunty was the one who paid it.
Then at night my real aunty phoned me. LOL.
She say it's my cousin sister birthday. Asked me and my brothers to go.
Then i quickly go and bath. But bathing halfway my aunt already reach my house. LOL.
Was in a rush that time.
Then reach there eat again =.=
My aunt say she expect each of us to eat 4 fried chickens.

I didn't eat because i already had KFC earlier. Haha.
Then later we go back home.
My day just ended like that. =)

Injured

Went to stadium on Thursday early in the morning.
My event started at around 11am which was 4X100m.

I was the 3rd runner.

While passing baton to my friend i fell down and injured.
Luckily she received the baton right before i fell down.
It was a bit embarrassing. LOL.

Then i walked to the BSMM station.

Their first aid skills sucks la. Haha.
But i did not comment anything while they're giving my first aid.

Wait until teacher came, go back school. Then i go sickroom settle my wound. Haha.

Evening run for 2nd round. Final.
But our team got either last or second last. LOL. I forget.
When i bath it was really painful. Killing me. LOL.
And i actually shouted in the bathroom. Haha.

Now all the wound are getting better. Except for my waist. Getting worse. Lol.

Hand

Left leg

Right leg

Waist (originally)

(after few days)

Down

Why do i feel so down and sad?
I don't know.
Suddenly feel like crying.
And sorry. I don't mean to angry you.
Or i should say i don't wish to.
I just can't control my mood.
I'm really sorry.
I AM SO SELFISH =(

Sigh

Just backed from performance at Papan.
Just now my dad was drunk. So my mum offered to drive.

But my mum is very bad at recognizing places.

(Which mean she don't know which way to go back)

We almost went Batu Gajah. Hahaha.
Then my dad kept complaining this and that.
And he started to scold my mum.

Say she thought herself very good at driving. =.=

Haih. Already lost. Still wanna argue.

I was quite scare and speechless just now.

Scare their arguement getting more and more serious.

But luckily my mum can endure my dad.

And i was so sad that i almost cried when my mum told me my dad slapped my brother out of sudden. (No. Because he was drunk =.=)

I don't know why. =(

My dad was still drunk.

In the car i told my mum i got tuition tomorrow (Thursday) at 9.30am

But my dad is taking bus to Singapore at 10am. (to work)

Then he asked me why go tuition. I said why not.

He continued with: I'm taking bus at 10am. How can you go tuition?
I said: My tuition starting at 9.30am mah.
He said: You don't need to accompany me?

He asked me another sarcastic question: Your tuition more important than your dad?

I WAS TOTALLY SPEECHLESS.

.....................

Didn't bother about his question. Cause i know he's drunk.

Haih. =/

=)

Happy Birthday =)

Today is his birthday. Haha.
Don't know why just feel like writing this post.

Just now i phoned and wished him.
But after wishing him, the conversation becomes awkward.

We both got nothing chat. Haha.

Very weird. Want to talk but don't know what to talk.

Once again. Happy Birthday Choon Yee =)

11 March 2012

Holidays have started. Exam just finished.
And i just finished arranging my holiday schedule.

Didn't do well in my Account and History paper this time.

Guess i'm getting C for both subjects this time.

Haih. First time did so bad for my Account. First time get a grade lower than A.

Hope i can still get B at least.

On Friday i got back my Add Maths paper. I got 88%
Although this result is already consider very good for many people. But i'm not satisfy with it.

Because those marks that i lose was careless mistake.

If i didn't plot the point wrongly. Now already 90%.
If i didn't make S10-S6 become S11-S6. Now already 96%

I always suppose myself to score A+ for maths.
Most unexpected marks was my Modern Maths paper.

When teacher announce that i got 80%. I was stunt there.

First time i get a grade lower than A+ for Modern Maths.
Haih. What's wrong with me. It's just a monthly test.

I didn't know what was my mistakes cause she didn't give back Modern Maths paper.
I just hope that she counted the marks wrongly.

Now back to my holidays

It is not considered as holidays actually.

My homework is more than usual.

My tuition classes also more than usual. Replace here replace there.
And there's also netball and olahraga trainings.

I'm just going to school everyday like there's no holidays. =.=
Difference is just that i don't need to wake up earlier to take school bus.

LOL. I actually wrote a timetable of my daily tuition and pasted it on my school desk.

And when my friends see it they'll start giving me the shocked expression. LOL

She: Kim Ling! This is your tuition timetable ah?

Me: Ya. (with a smile) Lol.
She: You have tuition everyday for every subjects?!

Me: Ya. (continue smiling) Haha.
She: Oh My God. If i were you i don't know how can i live.
Me: (Smile.......) =D
Haha. I am tired. Really tired. =/

But what to do? Sigh.

Holidays schedule:

MONDAY

9am-11am (school) netball training

8am-9.30am(stadium) olahraga training - track events (100m herdles)
9.45am-11am(school) olahraga training - field events (high jump)
2.45pm-4.45pm (omega) physics

TUESDAY
8am-9.30am(stadium) olahraga training - track

9.45am-11am(school) olahraga training -field
11am-2pm(steven) add maths
2.45pm-4.15pm(sri kota) biology

WEDNESDAY
9am-11am(school) netball training *(not going)

*7.30am-10.0am (UNDANG test)
5.30pm-7pm(新东方)Account tuition **(not going)
**Performance at night.

THURSDAY

8am-9.30am(stadium) olahraga training - track ***(not going)
9.45am-11am(school)olahraga training - field ***(not going)

***9.30am-12.30pm(add maths) steven

12.30pm-2.30pm(mod maths) steven
5.30pm-7pm(history)新东方
8pm-9.30pm(chemistry) green peaks

FRIDAY
9am-11am (school) netball training

8am-9.30am(stadium) olahraga training

9.45am-11am(school) olahraga training
2.30pm-5.30pm(BM) Zulkifli

SATURDAY
**7.30am-1.30pm (Arena Square, Kuala Kangsar) Karnival Pengajian Tinggi Negara **
9am-10.30am (BI Grammar) 新东方**(not going)**

SUNDAY
12pm-3pm (Dance practice) Angela's house.

Haih.

Find that i kinda dislike my dad these few days.
He keep smoking. I really feel very uncomfortable.
Especially when i was sick.

He keep on saying my fever small matter only. ==
He don't know that i was suffering. Go and smoke some more.
I eat panadols he scolded me: "You thought is sweets?"
Of course i won't la. I follow instructions only.
2 caplets every 4 to 6 hours.
If he really care about my health the he shouldn't smoke in the house.

1st January 2012

Yesterday overnight at friend's house after performance.

Left my phone at home before go out. This afternoon only got back my phone.

This morning i ate a little for brunch.

Decided to watch movie with my friends at jusco.

But after brunch i vomited. Was having headache.

LOL. But the plan still goes on.

Watched 23:59. Haha.

When i bought the tickets i didn't realize that it's PG18.

When i was going in. The man suddenly called me and asked for my IC.

I was like "huh?" then lend him my IC.

Then he suddenly say i cannot enter. I was like "WTF??" LOL

I said "why?" he said "i'm not 18 yet"

OMG. what to do? hahaha.

We were discussing to change tickets to another movie.

But the man said cannot. Then we tried to beg him.

Cause the girl at the counter didn't tell me must be 18 above.

Finally he let me enter. LOL. Lucky?

After movie we walked around.

He told me he's at jusco too.

Wanted to see him actually. But i scare. Haha. Scare awkward.

Suddenly, he was standing in front of me when i walked out from popular.

At that moment, i had a sudden heart attack. LOL

Seriously, my heart almost jumped out.

Quite nervous and awkward.

Ya. We smiled to each other. Then he walked away.

Very soon, i saw him again for the 2nd time.

He just passed beside me. With his mum.

But we did not have a chance to talk.

Even if we had, i don't think i could speak it out.

Kayang said we yao yuen. But i said 有缘无分。Haha. Truth.

After wandering around, followed my friend's car to her grandmother's house.

We had barbecue at there. Hmm. It's fun. But i didn't really enjoy it.

Haha. Maybe because it's not with my own family and relatives?

First time without using knife, i used hand and fork to eat a lamb chop. Haha

Tomorrow although school haven't start yet, but tuition already started,

At first i wanted to change to Tuesday because i don't wanna see him on Monday.

But now I'm feeling better. Telling myself that i shouldn't avoid.

Haha. Actually it's not a big matter right? Why do i take it so hard?

The same words again. "I need time"

Although i do smile and laugh a bit these few days,

but my heart still very 沉重(heavy)。

For me, it's just a New Year. Not a New Life.

Things still remain. I am still me. The forever emo and cool me. Haha

Photo taken at Jusco.

Another new year.

It's another new year.
It passed so fast. Fast until i can't believe it's 2012 now.
Seriously, i'm not really ready for 2012 yet.
One is because of him. Another reason is because of study.
This year form 5 already. I guess i'll busy like hell.
Not because of society. Tuitions also can make me drown already. LOL. And my job too.

Don't know why i will start blogging these few days.
Affected by someone? LOL. Or maybe i'm just too down and sad.
No one i could talk to. Sometimes even if you tell your best friends about your problems.
They might give you some advices. But the final conclusion still depends on yourself.
You can only rely on your own.

Of course, i already get used to this kind of living style.
I don't simply trust people. If i trust you, you're lucky. LOL. just kidding.
Even sometimes when my friends praise me, i'll consider about it first.
Thinking whether it's true or not. Two face people i saw a lot.
If you want to be like this, i can treat you in the same way too. =)


Telling myself that i'm okay. I really think i'm okay.
But today my dance friend ask me what happened.
What i surprised is i start tearing before i finish my words to her.
I really hope i can stop crying. Don't wish my eyes to be swelled when school reopen.
I'm really tired. I need some time to calm my mind.
I took half a year to let go of my ex. How long do i need to let go of you?
Haha. More than that? Less than? Or never?
It's a probability. =)