Different

I have no idea what i'm tryng to do these few days...
The one should be studying is not studying...
I'm doing things that are exrtraordinary...
3 more days to trial but i'm here onlining in the middle of the night...
Instead, others are burning the midnight oil...

Somehow, i feel hopeless...
No more energy to survive...
I admit, i became weak...
Don't know since when...
Last time i'm tough...
I'll never tears...
Even if i did, this situation normally just maintain for 10 seconds and below.
But nowadays i can cry for more than an hour...
(Wow, that's so different...LOL)
Sometimes i wish i could suicide.

But in the other hand, i want to success..
I don't want to let people look down on me...
(This is my attitude)
I want everything about me to be perfect...
I try to study hard...
But i can't...
Sometimes i'm looking at the book but things that appear in my mind are totally different and not related to the book...LOL
Could i score flying colours?
No.