Depressed

Feeling very depressed in these two days.
Things are not going right.
Spent some hours to view some inspirational quotes and pictures. Felt better at first.
But something just has to happen and make me depressed again.
I'm trying my best. I don't know what's wrong with me, seriously.
I kept thinking was I not good enough for you? Should I change or just be myself?
But it seems like I can't reach your expectation by just being myself.
I don't know. I feel helpless. I wanna do something for you.
I wanna help you out. But I'm just causing you troubles eventually.
I just feel like my efforts were meaningless after listening to what you've told me.
Because most probably you'll be thinking how other people thinks about you again.
Those people are not the one you're going to spend your life with.
Last time I used to be like you, cared too much about what others think.
In the end, I only make myself suffer.
Now I tell myself I should do things for myself, not depends on how others judge me.
I live for myself, not on the sight of others.
I felt very happy helping you out in the first few days. Now I still do.
But I will start to concern more from your side.
'Cause I'm afraid of causing troubles or inconvenience again
I don't know how much you would appreciate it.
I know you don't want me to get tired. I understand.
But I just want to share your burden. I know I can't share all but at least a little?
At first I thought you agreed. But what did I get in the end?
Because of image problem again? I didn't want anything from you.
Can see you and help you out, it already makes my day.
When you say this is because of me, that is because of me I really felt hurt and guilty.
I know you don't mean it. But you won't know how I feel.
I can't just stay at home and do nothing while seeing you go to work and get tired.
I tried to care but it seems like I cared too much.
Sigh. Just feeling myself like a troublemaker. Zzz.

咳。。。

心情很低落。觉得自己做错很多事情。对不起。

To someone

I miss you like crazy, every minute every day. <3

Confusion

Confused, confused and confused....

Thought I'm okay.
But after a short while I started missing you again.
Maybe it's not that easy for me to stop.
I don't know.
Sometimes I seem to be okay with just maintaining this relation this way.
Sometimes I'm afraid to progress further.
Sometimes I thought about our future.
But I was relieved when you said remain as friends.
Then I don't have to worry about this and that.
Both of us can proceed with what we want to achieve.

B isn't bad actually.
But I'm still considering.
At the same time, I don't want B to be a substitution of A.
Perhaps I shouldn't think about love yet?
But sometimes it's very difficult to control feelings.

Last chance

Chances are given to you.
Grab them or not, depends on you.
I'm seriously tired about your attitude.
Or what you're thinking.
I just want to have a normal life.
If you're too over, I'll rather give up.
Don't make me take the last step.
I don't wish to.
I still love you. <3

=/

Actually there's a lot of things that i wish i could share to you.
But on the other hand, I'm afraid that you'll unhappy.
Cause i know you get jealous so easily. What should i do? My dear.. =/
I do not want to hide anything from you.
But i really don't know how can i express it without making you upset.
Like last night when i spoke another guy's name, then your voice changed a bit.
I know how you feel that time. But that's my personality.
Actually do you think you understand me much? Ask yourself deeply.
Of course i know my limit. But I cannot change my attitude because of our relation. Seriously.
I can only try my best. And of course i do love you <3
And don't you love me just the way i am?
Don't think so much.. =)

Haih

These few days feel kinda upset and annoyed.

Maybe i shouldn't tell you the truth. Make the situation so awkward.

But i didn't want/ ask for anything. I just want you to know how i feel. That's all.

The purpose i tell you this is not because i want the situation to become like that.

I am so sad. When i see you changing the way how you used to be.

From talking a lot become so speechless. Seriously, this is not what i want.

Please don't apologize. I think i'm the one who should.

Sorry.

MSSD

Today is the last day of MSSD.
Went to stadium at around 8am.
Today is also the last day i'm representing Main Convent for MSSD.
My event today was 100m Lari Berpagar Perempuan bawah 18.
Was still carrying my wound that time.
But i managed to get 3rd place in the semi-final.
I was happy. But i didn't have any hope to get top 3. Haha

I've been representing school for MSSD since primary。
Never got a medal from stadium before.

3pm: When final. My position was 3rd originally.
But someone chased up my speed.
3rd,4th and 5th runner almost ended together.
But i know i'm 5th,
Although i was a little disappointed for not getting any placing again, but i've already did my best.


After running for final, went to Steven for 3 hours Add Maths,
Damn sleepy and tiring. Now also. Haha.

My 17th Birthday

Celebrated 3 days for my birthday. Haha.
Out of all years. This year is the best celebration i ever had so far.

1st day

First i celebrate with my god sis, Ruth at parade because she'w not able to attend the party on Saturday.
We ate together at MP. She looked extra cute that day <3
She bought me a small bear. Haha. Almost every year i got a bear from her.
After MP we hang around in parade. Was helding her hand and walked together.

2nd day.

Early in the morning i went to school.

Was representing my club to attend the Majlis Penyerahan Cek RM260,000 from menteri kewangan.

Then after than changed and go parade.
Went rocusa while waiting my friends to reach.
Later on I walked with Edward to OTK Studio.
The party started at 1pm.
Had a lot of fun during the party.
Few of them were shouting hahaha. Especially Jin Xian and Joe.
Then we also played Wii games. It was the first time i play it.
I ate 3 big pieces of cakes. Because cut already no one eat. Haha.
The party ended at 6pm. Kent's father fetched me home.
I was tired but i was happy too. =D

3rd day.
Hahaha, Actually today is dance practice.

Went to my friend's house for practice as usual.
Then after the practice Ah Ting aunty say want to treat me eat since yesterday was my birthday。
Then they prefer KFC.
That time my mum already went to work.
My mum asked me not to let Ah Ting aunty treat me.
She asked me to treat them. LOL.
But aunty don't let me treat. Eventually Ah Ting aunty was the one who paid it.
Then at night my real aunty phoned me. LOL.
She say it's my cousin sister birthday. Asked me and my brothers to go.
Then i quickly go and bath. But bathing halfway my aunt already reach my house. LOL.
Was in a rush that time.
Then reach there eat again =.=
My aunt say she expect each of us to eat 4 fried chickens.

I didn't eat because i already had KFC earlier. Haha.
Then later we go back home.
My day just ended like that. =)

Injured

Went to stadium on Thursday early in the morning.
My event started at around 11am which was 4X100m.

I was the 3rd runner.

While passing baton to my friend i fell down and injured.
Luckily she received the baton right before i fell down.
It was a bit embarrassing. LOL.

Then i walked to the BSMM station.

Their first aid skills sucks la. Haha.
But i did not comment anything while they're giving my first aid.

Wait until teacher came, go back school. Then i go sickroom settle my wound. Haha.

Evening run for 2nd round. Final.
But our team got either last or second last. LOL. I forget.
When i bath it was really painful. Killing me. LOL.
And i actually shouted in the bathroom. Haha.

Now all the wound are getting better. Except for my waist. Getting worse. Lol.

Hand

Left leg

Right leg

Waist (originally)

(after few days)