New blog

Shifting to dayre.

dayre.me/kkimling95

18/6/14

并不是不在乎。
而是在乎了，也改变不了事实。
只好劝告自己学会放下，让自己好过一些。
即便心里时不时会有一阵阵的刺痛。
虽然只过了十一天，但对于我来说好像过了一个月之久。

Something random about love.

In love, you don't ask why someone loves you.

Because one will leave you for the same reason.

Perhaps you should ask how long will it lasts.

I realised relationship that comes naturally work better and lasts longer.

Without even knowing why both of you are attached to each other.

No specific reason. You feel comfortable whenever you're with the one.

And most importantly, you're happy just to be with the only one. :)

I love you.

突然很害怕

突然很害怕。怕我们不会长久。
毕竟自己经历过太多了。
之前一次次的去相信，可是却换来一次次的伤害。
不是不相信他。只是自己已经伤痕累累了。
心灵上的创伤是需要时间才可以慢慢愈合吧。
其实我应该庆幸，能找到一个可以完全接受我性格的他。
真的很难得。突然很感动，很想哭。哈哈，我真傻。
也许是因为他太好了，让我感觉自己好像真的在做梦一样。
当他不在我身边的时候，又觉得自己好像从梦中醒过来了。
不过这些担心都只是暂时性的吧。才刚开始那几天。
我坚信有一天我一定能毫无保留的把我的心交给他。
完完全全的去爱他。没有任何顾虑。

事实

事实是自己也没有很好，如何要求一个好的对象呢？
事实是自己也没有信心，如何去开始一段感情呢？
事实是自己在害怕，如何才能再一次去爱一个人呢？

牵绊

对你实在是很失望。
为什么你要把局面搞成这样？
没有人懂你在想什么。。咳。。。
明明是那么的要好，说什么和我们不熟？
我听到你这样讲我真的很生气。
刚刚你还说不了解我？
一个月前明明就能把我的缺点都说完出来了。
明明大家是经常一起玩，一起吃，一起睡的好朋友。
有什么事情不妨告诉我们啊。
能帮的我们一定帮。
就算你不想告诉我们，至少也给个提示说不希望我们懂啊。
可你不是，你就只是突然来个大转变。毫无预兆。
大家都很怀念当初的你。
我真的很珍惜我们之间的这份友谊这个牵绊。
希望你也是。

我到底怎么了

总觉得最近对他，好像有种不同的感觉。

是喜欢吗？好像是。

可是想想下又觉得我们不太可能。

可是对他又有那种莫名其妙的感觉。

可是我也懂他不会喜欢我啦。

现在想这些好像太早了，但又会情不自禁的去想。

我想说继续当好朋友就算了。不要陷下去。

不要想这样多。顺其自然就好。

话是这么说。可是我却办不到！

天啊。我该如何是好。

Zzz

Feel very annoyed these days.
Many things not going well.
I'm on fire.Zzz.
Angry at many things as well.

1st day:
Was looking for one international female student for ISSC Road Relay team and I was really anxious 'cause if I couldn't find one then we can't join the competition. And I finally got one(A) but the other one(B) tell me she's not confirmed yet and she wasn't replying my whatsapp. Zzz

2nd day:
Okay. Bad things really happened. The girl(B) said she couldn't make it and I was really anxious and annoyed. I don't know where am I supposed to get one international student to run. Have asked on Facebook but no one responded. And there's supposed to be training at 5.30pm but i forget there's also taekwondo committee meeting at the same time. Have to inform everyone(road relay team) to train at 6.30pm.

Today Malaysian studies the lecturer said he will let us go earlier where it was 5.15pm but he keep talking non-stop and nonsence and in the end we finish class at 5.30pm as usual.I wanted to off earlier 'cause I have meeting at 5.30pm but the lecturer making me late. Zzz.And when I enter the classroom for meeting Qui Han asked me for RM5 because I'm late. I knew he was joking, but I don't know why I can't control myself and i started throwing my phone on the chair and start complaining about the lecturer. Perhaps at that moment I really feel annoyed by all these stuff. It was quite scary though. Lol.Then meeting halfway till 6.15pm I have to take taxi to bukit komanwel for training. After that I have to rush back to TPM for taekwondo committee meeting again. I jogged back because the jam was terrible and jogging is even faster than the cars.

3rd day:
I don't have the access card to enter Vista C. I tell the guard I forget but that fellow ask me to register as VISITOR. What?! I'm a resident okay. I pay rent every month and it's part of your salary. == He spoils my mood of the day.

4th day:
At LRT station. On my way to Times Square(Hang Tuah station). It was around 3pm. I wanted to reload my TOUCH N GO card and the staff say I can only reload at 4pm. Fine. Then I ask whether he can give me a small change for RM100 so that I can buy the token and he said CANNOT...WTH is wrong with him?? He expect me to stay till 4pm?? It's not like he doesn't have small change for that RM100 =.=

5th day:
I wanted to go back Ipoh this weekend just because my primary school friends wanna celebrate Emily's birthday so I purposely rush back and  I thought since we have not meet for a long time which is almost one year so I should really try and make some time for it. But today Chin suddenly Whatsapp me and say that they already celebrated without us. Wtf? I even asked them in the group chat about the plan this Saturday and no one reply. In the end they go celebrate on the next day? == If don't want to wait for me and Chin just tell la. Then we don't have to make so much efforts either.

6th day:
Woke up earlier today and packed my things to go back Ipoh as I slept off around 11pm yesterday. Then I totally forget to eat my lunch as well. After class I continue to pack my stuff as well. Left Vista at 7.10pm reach Sri Petaling lrt at 7.20pm but the lrt only starts moving at 7.27pm. I was already afraid that I might miss the 8pm train. Then out of sudden the lrt black out at Chan Sow Lin station and the staff make announcement asking all the passengers to get down. Wth? At this very moment? No please. Then wait till next lrt to reach and continue to KL Sentral. Okay. When I reach already 8.05pm. Missed train. Thought I could buy the next train ticket but today's train ticket to Ipoh all sold out. Zzz. Eventually bought tomorrow's 6am train.

Fine. I take lrt back to Sri Petaling. Then I Whatsapp with him also. But he said something that makes me extremely angry. And after 3 stations only I realised I went to the wrong lrt. == Took the Kelana Jaya line instead of Sri Petaling. On my way walking back from lrt to Vista I was thinking a lot. Almost cried. Anyway, I controlled myself. I feel very miserable. I feel very tired and sick of it. I don't what should I do. I tried my best to forget about it and let go. When I reach vista, I find out that the earliest lrt is 6am. == Which means I got no transport to KL Sentral tomorrow. Asked him to fetch but really, if possible I don't wanna ask for his help. First I'm angry, second not appropriate, third he has to wake up very early to fetch me so I feel bad. And I'm just a friend only. I have no right asking him to get up so early and fetch me even though I know he won't reject. Sigh. Very annoyed. Mixed feelings. Hope tomorrow will be a fine day.

Depressed

Feeling very depressed in these two days.
Things are not going right.
Spent some hours to view some inspirational quotes and pictures. Felt better at first.
But something just has to happen and make me depressed again.
I'm trying my best. I don't know what's wrong with me, seriously.
I kept thinking was I not good enough for you? Should I change or just be myself?
But it seems like I can't reach your expectation by just being myself.
I don't know. I feel helpless. I wanna do something for you.
I wanna help you out. But I'm just causing you troubles eventually.
I just feel like my efforts were meaningless after listening to what you've told me.
Because most probably you'll be thinking how other people thinks about you again.
Those people are not the one you're going to spend your life with.
Last time I used to be like you, cared too much about what others think.
In the end, I only make myself suffer.
Now I tell myself I should do things for myself, not depends on how others judge me.
I live for myself, not on the sight of others.
I felt very happy helping you out in the first few days. Now I still do.
But I will start to concern more from your side.
'Cause I'm afraid of causing troubles or inconvenience again
I don't know how much you would appreciate it.
I know you don't want me to get tired. I understand.
But I just want to share your burden. I know I can't share all but at least a little?
At first I thought you agreed. But what did I get in the end?
Because of image problem again? I didn't want anything from you.
Can see you and help you out, it already makes my day.
When you say this is because of me, that is because of me I really felt hurt and guilty.
I know you don't mean it. But you won't know how I feel.
I can't just stay at home and do nothing while seeing you go to work and get tired.
I tried to care but it seems like I cared too much.
Sigh. Just feeling myself like a troublemaker. Zzz.

咳。。。

心情很低落。觉得自己做错很多事情。对不起。